


Zoo Log: London Underground

by MsrTenOverSix



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Humor, Log Entry Style, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Sherlock Is A Bit Not Good, Zoofic, just for fun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2016-01-05
Packaged: 2018-03-14 15:35:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3416075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsrTenOverSix/pseuds/MsrTenOverSix
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The characters of Sherlock are on exhibit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. November 6th

**Author's Note:**

> AN: This is a request. I have never heard of the concept of a "zoo-fic", and when I saw the request, I'll admit...I was worried it was some sort of bestiality thing. Yikes!
> 
> Happily, it's nothing of the sort!
> 
> What it is, for others who do not know, is a story where, apparently, you treat the characters as if they are animals in a zoo (or that seems to be the gist, actual description I don't know). I decided to try this out as a sort of "data log" series. If people seem to like it, I'll continue on with it. Seems like a really fun little idea, to me at least.
> 
> So, disclaimer! While I have no idea who started this "zoo-fic" thing, do know that the idea is not mine.

Username: HeadKeeper04

Password: **********

Accessing…Open File…Zoo Log: London Underground

* * *

 

 

_November 6th, 3:41pm_

We're experiencing the first major cold spell of the season. The better part of our London Underground Exhibit staff and keepers have spent the last few days cleaning and preparing the brand new indoor enclosures. As previously mentioned, the new enclosures are quite the update from the old, with much better viewing for the public, and more space for each specimen.  Of course, we're being very careful in how we introduce each of the animals to their new environments (lest we repeat last year's incident).

To date, both the Stamford and the Hooper have been successfully acclimated into their winter homes. Both, being of a more fair-weathered variety, were the first to move. They have now been sealed off from their outdoor enclosures, and we've high hopes that both will enjoy their new homes.  (Note: We are still carefully monitoring the Stamford's diet. A keeper has been assigned to see that Mike does not put on any more excess weight. Hopefully, he'll drop a few pounds now that we're cutting back on the Bourbon creams).

The Metro Police enclosure will remain open to the outdoors, as their breed is a substantial one, and built well to handle all sorts of weather. The indoor portion of their den will be opened tomorrow, and we're all eager to see how they take to the new addition. Hopefully, the added space will see to quell the rising tensions between some of the pack members.

As of yet, we've no idea how to handle the rivalry going on between the two Holmes siblings, Sherlock and Mycroft(both specimens male). In recent months, the brothers have become increasingly antagonistic towards each other, and we're worried that a fight for dominance might soon break out. Of the two, Sherlock, the younger, is more prone to violence, but both are equally quick to goad each other. It's puzzling, as all previous studies indicate that the British Holmes prefers to live in extended family groups. Increasingly, I feel as if these two might forever change our perception of the species. 

At any rate, there will be a board meeting later to discuss possible solutions, but if hostilities continue, I fear that separation may be the only answer. Hopefully, I am wrong. 

**Important Note** : Yesterday's incident with the new Animal Tech intern, Rachel, and Jim the Moriarty has resulted in 17 stitches. While the intern is in positive spirits, she has asked to spend the rest of her internship serving in the Streets of America Exhibit. Her requisition has been accepted.  No word as to what might have provoked Jim into such an attack; he's back to being as docile as ever. None of the other animals in his enclosure have come to any sort of harm, though they do keep their distance, as always. We're keeping him outdoors for viewing, as we don't want to traumatize him so soon after what appears to have been a sort of panicked attempt at self-defense. Currently, he's behaving well for the zoo guests, and as always, he remains a public favorite. For now, I think all we can do is keep a very close eye.


	2. November 12th

Username: HeadKeeper04

Password: **********

Accessing…Open File…Zoo Log: London Underground

* * *

 

_November 12th, 5:17pm_

I fear I may have jinxed myself. It sounds ridiculous, but I really do have to wonder with how quickly things escalated. These last few days have been nothing short of absolutely hellish, and this is all thanks (very much!) to the Holmes brothers! 

My earlier hypothesis about their imminent separation has, most regrettably, proven quite true. It started when everything came to a head several nights back. The Holmeses assigned keeper had just finished setting the table (Mycroft does not abide eating at a table that is not properly set, or properly color coordinated), and almost immediately the area was overtaken by both Sherlock and Mycroft. 

That was the first sign of trouble, as Sherlock very rarely approaches the dining area at standard feeding times ( Note: The reason for his finicky eating has yet to be determined. Even when given absolute privacy, or allowed food access without Mycroft's presence, Sherlock shows no interest. Attempts at introducing alternative food types have likewise resulted in failure). But while the on-duty keeper noted their behavior to be oddly stilted, given their recent aggression towards the other, this was nothing so very out of line as to raise any alarms. 

At first, everything seemed to proceed as typical. Sherlock showed absolutely no interest in his dinner, while Mycroft enjoyed his with his usual gusto. Sherlock, as typical of him in his older brother's presence, began chattering, a call that I believe is designed solely to agitate. 

For a long while, he was ignored, but as Mycroft moved on to his dessert, Sherlock switched suddenly to a series of raucous cries. At this point, Mycroft began to emit a low growl. Sherlock continued his distressing behavior, and seemed very oblivious, until finally Mycroft abandoned his meal, and instead chose to sink his claws in his brother (or rather, beat him over the head repeatedly with his umbrella).

As the Holmes species very rarely resorts to any physical displays of aggression, the keeper immediately sent out an alert. By the time I arrived on scene the table had been overturned and the china shattered across the ground. Sherlock, being the more agile of the two, had scampered up a tree, well out of his brother’s reach. He continued with his antagonizing cries, occasionally pelting a salad fork or soup spoon at Mycroft, who snarled and huffed, circling at the tree’s base. 

We managed to separate the two before there was any serious harm to either party. Mycroft went to his den without much fuss, but it was only with a tranquilizer that we were able to remove Sherlock from the vicinity and place him in isolation. As of yet, he is still being held there, though arrangements are being made to place him in alternate housing. 

**Note** : Following the scuffle between Sherlock and Mycroft, I happened to glance over at the Moriarty enclosure, as it’s located just across the way. Not surprisingly, Jim was watching the rather noisy exchange. A curious creature, I wasn't taken too aback, until several hours later, when I discovered him to be in the very same position, still staring into the Holmes enclosure. I was a little afraid of the intensity of his gaze, and found myself uncommonly grateful that we’d fenced in the roof of his enclosure.


	3. November 15th

Username: HeadKeeper04

Password: **********

Loading…

Accessing Animal Record Keeping Software…

New Entry for…Zoo Log: London Underground

* * *

 

_November 15th 9:07am (Updated: 3:14pm)_

We’ve had to improvise with Sherlock.

We had planned to keep him in isolation for a while longer, but as typical of the Holmes species, he did not respond well to being controlled by anyone other than himself (All attempts at training the British Holmes have failed spectacularly).

It's really not all that surprising. Sherlock has always been the more curious of our Holmes brothers, and unfortunately also the most destructive. Being locked away may have tampered with what some of the staff think to be the last few remnants of his sanity. (Reminder: Sherlock came to us five years ago, in a horrible condition, so emotional and cognitive trauma is to be expected).

But I’ll leave the conjectures for later. What we know for certain is that, shortly after his placement in the isolation cell, he began exhibiting signs of unease. One moment he was pacing animatedly, the other he was perfectly still. His agitation was very obvious, even to our more inexperienced interns.

That was only Day 1. By Day 3, he had become totally inanimate, curled up and not responding to any of the keeper’s efforts to attract his attention (ignoring all his favorite items, including both his pet Skull and his violin). Naturally, we’re very worried over his obvious distress. Sherlock, when not distracted by shiny or decaying objects, has always been a tad unstable when bored.And of course, we should have seen that this was obviously a set-up for disaster.

Day 4, around midnight, Sherlock must have begun his destructive phase. When the night-keeper did his rounds, he found the overhead lighting in Sherlock’s cell fully disassembled. The Holmes had also apparently removed his shirt, shredded it into strips, and fastened them into some sort of turban around his head.

Worried that he might have contracted some form of mange, the vet was called in, and with the assistance of two interns, proceeded to give him a cleansing bath. (To say he responded poorly is an understatement, though I am told Sam will suffer no permanent injury.) But I do not believe his shedding behavior is indicative of a physical ailment, but rather a reaction to a lack of mental stimulation.

So what option did we have, but to search for a new enclosure to contain him? Unfortunately, the Holmes do not room well with most of the animal kingdom, so we must be selective in our decision. In the end, we decided to place him in with Anthea, an assistant, as servile species are probably the most easy to share a space with. Hopefully all goes well!

* * *

…The attempt proved disastrous for all. Sherlock responded to her presence with all the same fury he usually turns on Mycroft. Oddly, that served as our inspiration for introducing Anthea to Mycroft’s enclosure instead. So far, there has been no hostility between the two; Mycroft seems fully accepting of the British Assistant. We’ll keep a round-the-clock keeper on watch, just in case.

Sherlock, to our relief, has claimed Anthea’s habitat entirely. The way he struts about, it is obvious he views it as a prize won. Currently, he is occupied by inspecting every corner and rock within the enclosure. Hopefully, his curiosity with this new home will hold.

 

 


	4. November 16th

Username: HeadKeeper04

Password: **********

Accessing…Open File…Zoo Log: London Underground

* * *

 

_November 16th, 4:23pm_

Having finished scouring his new territory, Sherlock has spent all of today atop his jungle gym. He has not moved in quite some time, but we recognize from experience that this is typical behavior (for him.) A keeper was sent in to check, and yes, he is breathing and even blinks on occasion. We are encouraged by this return to behavior, and have rewarded him with the return of his pet, Skull, which has adjusted very gracefully to the new exhibit. Sherlock shows little awareness of it, but his caretaking instincts have always been subpar. As the skull is a sturdy creature, we are confident it will be able to care for itself, and that it will likewise continue to weather both Sherlock’s haphazard caretaking initiatives and his negligence.

 **Note:** Tomorrow, we’ll be receiving a shipment from our friends at the Convoy Zoo in Afghanistan. They are downsizing due to financial concerns, and have sought us out for the caretaking of several of their animals. Included in this shipment will be a new resident for the London Underground. The newcomer is a scarred and roughened Watson. Previously a dominant male, due to recent injuries he has found himself ousted from his unit, and in need of a quiet place to retire. As our zoo already specializes in oddities, rehabs and misfits, he should fit in well. We have a solo enclosure ready for the newcomer, and are all eagerly awaiting his arrival.


	5. November 19th

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watson arrives; Sherlock Sherlocks; Moriarty makes a friend

Username: HeadKeeper04

Password: **********

Loading…

Accessing Animal Record Keeping Software…

New Entry for…Zoo Log: London Underground

 

_November 19 th, 7:39PM _

Well, this has been quite the interesting week.

We are pleased to announce that the Watson arrived on schedule, and has settled fully into his new enclosure. A tad withdrawn, and certainly adjusting to a much less strenuous lifestyle, he is none-the-less quite the mellow, little fellow. Hopefully, this whole transition won’t prove too jarring. Already, we’ve noticed that John walks with a noticeable limp, despite there being no record of any damage sustained to his hind leg. Our medical staff has noted no obvious injuries, but will submit him to x-rays in the following week. Hopefully, nothing too terrible will show.

Aside from that, so far, the Watson has displayed no interest in selecting any personalized furniture, leaving his own, admittedly small enclosure rather bleak. This is not unusual behavior for traumatized newcomers, so we’ll give him a week or so to adjust, and try again.  For now, he remains isolated near the back of his enclosure, and has taken to hiding himself in a rudimentary assortment of jumpers. We believe this behavior is to discourage public interest, and so have limited the viewing area for now. We are hopeful that taking things slowly will encourage him to enjoy life here at the London Underground. But time will tell.

* * *

On a much more exasperating note, Sherlock has already returned to form.

Somehow, the younger Holmes has managed to completely disassemble the jungle gym in his new enclosure. He then proceeded to reassemble it – on the opposite end, near the water feature. I’ve spoken with maintenance, but so far no one seems to know how Sherlock managed to remove the bolts. For now, I’ve ordered that the jungle gym be fastened down in its new location.  There is some wonder as to whether or not it will do any good, but still, for safety measures, I’ve asked maintenance to look into it.

Again, customary to new enclosure practices, Sherlock has been allowed to select a few pieces of furniture to better settle in. He has selected some truly abhorrent wallpaper, which I have reprimanded the staff for even having on hand. He has also chosen a bison skull (headphones included), and I think we’re all hoping that this turns out better than last year’s fiasco with the walrus tusk.

* * *

Moriarty seems to be in good spirits today! He has befriended Jeff, a cab driver. This is promising behavior, though poor Jim always seems to have the damnedest luck, as none of his friends ever seem to live very long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm back! Thought I'd carry on with this little piece of fun. It's amusing to write, and is a good de-stresser. Hope you like it!


	6. Chapter 6

Login: HeadKeeper04

Password: **********

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Accessing Animal Record Keeping Software…

New Entry for…Zoo Log: London Underground

_November 25 th, 10:41AM_

* * *

 

The stress of this job is going to kill me, I’m absolutely certain of it. I swear, if the British Holmes wasn’t endangered, he would not be alive today. Why? Well, among the thousand other reasons, Sherlock apparently made the worst discovery of his miserable life: the Metro police cage is right next to his!

Why or how it took him so long to realize this, no one has a clue.  What we do know is that the racket that miserable wretch has been carrying on with has resulted in seven complaints to administration, and many unhappy guests. Children think we’re torturing him, parents are pissed, and with his behavior I can’t blame them. He sounds like he’s bloody dying!

At first, we thought it wouldn’t be too terrible. We thought him and Donovan would be the worst, with all the glaring and posturing going on, but _no,_ the worst is how Sherlock reacts to seeing Anderson. A mere glimpse of him and the Holmes is wailing like a demon! No one can figure it out, and I’d swear even Sherlock has no idea what his problem it. Luckily, Lestrade has sense enough to keep Anderson as far from Sherlock as possible, though sadly he can hardly keep track of him all the time.  But there’s no way we can relocate the exhibits again, and it would hardly be fair to quarantine Anderson to another cage by himself.  Someone suggested we move Sherlock to another exhibit, _again_ , but the entire team heartily agreed on a solid ‘Hell No’. I daresay Sherlock will never be moved again.

But there also seems to be some salvation! Two days ago, Sherlock received a much needed distraction. It started when we first noticed a newly created hole in the ground, right inside Sherlock's exhibit. Of course we were horribly worried, assuming it to be his work. But we were proven wrong – for once Sherlock is not behind it!

What is, is an old, amiable female Hudson. How she managed to dig her way in we have no clue. Still, she already seems to have settled down nicely underneath his enclosure, and shows no signs of distress or illness. What’s more, we think she’s decided to adopt him in some sort of quasi-mother-son relationship. Even stranger, Sherlock doesn’t seem to mind! That is, she leaves tea and biscuits, and he occasionally devours them. She nags him to keep his enclosure clean, and he ignores her. Honestly it’s the most successful relationship he’s ever had.

Which has caused quite the debate among our team. Hudson’s are very stern creatures, with a nasty habit of biting and cajoling despite the small stature. We have always assumed that Sherlock would not get along with animals like her, given his own aggressive nature, but perhaps that was just among his own kind. Perhaps, a companion of another species can serve to divert Sherlock’s boredom. Perhaps a bolder one than we’d previously considered.

 


End file.
